What to do if your spouse refuses to negotiate divorce

Sometimes divorce can be emotionally charged and filled with anger or frustration. In those situations, it is not surprising that one spouse might refuse to negotiate or settle things amicably, which can add to the frustration. You might feel like you are up against a wall and are out of options because they refuse to communicate, but luckily that is not the case.

When you engage Howard County divorce lawyer Fred Coover and his experienced team at Coover Law Firm, LLC, you have options for moving your case forward toward final resolution, and you can be sure that you will have a zealous advocate on your side. To schedule your consultation, contact Mr. Coover online or call (410) 553-5042.

Continue reading to learn more about the different avenues available to you in your divorce.

Do not immediately give up on communication

Although your spouse’s cooperation is not necessary for you to get a divorce, it does make it easier and often faster and cheaper if you can work out a settlement agreement that addresses all issues including property division, spousal support, child custody and visitation, child support, and attorney’s fees. 

You might have already mentally and emotionally processed the divorce and are ready to move forward with the next chapter of your life, but your spouse might be having a difficult time adjusting to this new reality, especially if they do not want to get divorced.

They might not be ready to discuss resolution of the case with you or with your attorney, or they might feel like putting anything on paper is an official sign of giving up–they might feel this way even if they know (but will not admit) that the divorce is inevitable. These unprocessed emotions might be presented as anger, or they might be overcome with feelings of self-doubt and low self-esteem. 

Rather than throwing in the towel right away because they won’t engage in settlement negotiations or they are not being an active part of the divorce, give them a little bit of time and open up communication with healthy boundaries.

You can help your spouse by encouraging them to speak to a friend, family member, a person from their church, or a therapist. If you feel safe to offer this, it might even be helpful for them if the two of you attend a joint session so that you both have an opportunity to learn where each of you is at emotionally with processing the divorce and what type of communication will help keep things on a peaceful path moving forward.

The therapist might even be able to get the two of you to understand what you each want in the divorce. If your spouse still refuses to discuss the divorce, your other choices are mediation or going straight to litigation.

Try to convince your spouse to attend mediation

Before resorting to litigation, try to persuade your spouse to attend mediation. Mediation is a supportive, non-adversarial process that can help spouses find solutions to issues they are unable to solve on their own.

Mediation is conducted by an impartial professional mediator, sometimes occurring over several meetings, and other times in one long meeting. Although attorney attendance is not required, many people choose to attend mediation with their attorneys to protect them from agreeing to something that’s adverse to their best interests.

The benefits of mediation over litigation

Litigation can be time-consuming, costly, and might make the emotional situation between spouses worse. Although there are several benefits of mediation, here are some of the biggest benefits to tell your spouse in an effort to get them to get on board: 

• Cooperative: While litigation is adversarial, mediation is cooperative. Litigation can destroy any good feelings you both still have about each other which is particularly detrimental when you have children, and in the end, you might both be unhappy with the Court’s ruling. In mediation, you will both provide your input to the mediator, and the mediator will try to get you to a common ground that you can both be content with. This allows you to maintain more control over the situation compared to if it goes before the Court.
• Less expensive and faster: If you and your spouse can reach an agreement in mediation, it will be much, much cheaper than litigation. In addition to saving both of you money, mediation is often faster than litigation because you aren’t reliant on the Court’s impacted calendar.
• Privacy: Mediation proceedings are private. If you go to litigation, all your dirty laundry and financial matters will be part of the public record. 

Although mediation is often highly beneficial and is preferred over protracted litigation, attending mediation doesn’t guarantee results. If you attend mediation and are unsuccessful, if you only reach an agreement on some issues in dispute, or if your spouse refuses to attend mediation, litigation is an option for you, and you can seek temporary orders pending final resolution of your divorce. 

If your spouse still won’t cooperate, litigate

You aren’t expected to wait around for your spouse to finally participate in the divorce either in a cooperative manner or not. When you’re ready to move forward and feel that you have exhausted all reasonable efforts to resolve your issues in an amicable manner, you can proceed with litigation.

Litigation can take many forms, whether it is seeking an Order of Default if your spouse failed to respond to the Complaint, or taking the disputed issues before the Court in a motion seeking specific orders such as orders for alimony (spousal support), child support, child custody and visitation, exclusive use or control of property, and other orders.

Mr. Coover will help you develop the right litigation strategy for your case, including if it is appropriate to obtain any temporary orders pending final resolution of your case.

Temporary orders for spousal support, child custody, and child support 

Divorce can take a long time, and you might be financially strained due to your separation, or you and your spouse might have frequent disagreements about things like the child custody schedule. Your attorney can help you obtain temporary or pendente lite orders for things like alimony, child support, and child custody which can remain in place until your final orders are issued. This will help provide you with peace of mind and might alleviate some arguments while the divorce continues.  

Get on with your life

If your spouse refuses to negotiate divorce, don’t keep putting your life on hold. You can get a divorce without their cooperation or agreement. Don’t wait to schedule a consultation with experienced Howard County divorce lawyer Mr. Fred Coover of Coover Law Firm, LLC, by calling (410) 553-5042.